An Irrevocable Condition

For some time I have been feeling the presence of time more acutely. I am witnessing my niece and nephew growing up too quickly and my mother growing older. I sense one of those old fashioned alarm clocks running after me ticking away, intimating that time is running out. But what is time running out for? So many unrealised dreams and unfulfilled expectations of oneself and others, buried under mundane life suddenly surface out of some bizarre happening and all of a sudden life seems like a ticking time bomb.
It is quite difficult to reconcile the dichotomous mind, when you want to travel the world and go home at the same time, the two so separate yet entangled like lovers. I think most people who look to go to the furthest corners of the world are looking to go home.
As I am getting older in a country that's at it's core only different because the people speak a different language from me, I find myself constantly veering towards my mother tongue, Bangla. I find myself const…


Today  I will not care about the accuracy of my grammar and tenses and my political correctness, today is about my disappointment in mankind.
I turn 31 today. It is a birthday filled with sadness, regret, hopelessness, and above all, disappointment.
For quite a few months I have been contemplating closing my Facebook account, but the thought of shutting the door on my batch-mates, teachers and acquaintances kept me from taking the step. What had triggered the thought in the first place were the amounts of intolerance and thoughtless comments, pieces of news in form of video and blogs that exemplify inhuman behaviour against women, children, animals.. basically the vulnerable section of the society. I had had enough.
Recently, an incident concerning my alma mater, Delhi School of Economics, Department of Geography, was in the news. A student of the final semester propagated some fake news of her having broken the record of the highest scores ever achieved. It's appalling, it's…

Stories of my Coming Back

I have often heard that one should not take anyone for granted. But, it is often the case that we do, especially the ones closest to us. We feel that our loved ones understand us and that they would wait for us to return to them. Such a fate has befallen me and my blogging space. Do not think for a moment that I do not care, I have enquired of it's health and well-being from time to time; I fell into a lazy routine where stopping for a longer conversation was too much work.  I will not lie, I wouldn't say that the thought of severing all ties hadn't occurred to me, but I stopped myself the moment I thought about all the memories I had collected, my myriad states of mind etched onto this space, the thought of losing it all with a click of a button jolted me out of those dark thoughts. I realized that this blog is like my Pensieve.  So, I am back to my virtual witter space, thought I will dust it, remove the cobwebs and gather it up like a baby close to my heart and have a …

Nabokov's Questionnaire

I came across this questionnaire on a fellow blogger's site Abantor & here are my answers. I have tried to answer them as truthfully as of this moment, a different mood and a different situation could warrant a different set of answers... but for now here it is

A Questionnaire for the Immodest and Curious - Vladimir Nabokov

Name, patronymic, last name:  Deepanjana Majumdar 
Pen-name, or a preferred pen-name:   Raka
Age and preferred age:  29 and 27
Attitude to marriage: so far so good
Attitude to children:  My attitude to them depends on the parents of the said children
Profession and preferred profession:  Professionally being trained to be a geomatics expert (whatever that means) In another life would love to be a writer or involved in performing arts!
What century would you like to live in?  Would have loved to live my youth in the 1960’s, seems that the world was much more liberal back then or too involved in sex, drugs and rock’n’roll to go to war! mid 20th century onwards, better sani…

Winter is Coming

No, this is not an episode of the Game of Thrones, I am merely stating a fact. As I sit at my dining table looking out the window I can sense the doom and gloom. The sky is a pallid grey, the young trees that had been planted in the winter of 2012 on our street are quivering and shaking before the wind that threatens to cut short their spring, the young man braves the chill with a cup of vending machine coffee in hand, donning the hood of his red jacket as he walks away My late breakfast of blueberry yogurt and müsli now seems inadequate, the heart desires warm pancakes, but I still have some coffee in the thermos left to take the edge off. 
Generally, I should not be complaining, it has been pretty mild here till today,  it has rained everyday for the last 2 weeks, yes, but the temperatures had been warm enough. This city gets very little to no snow in winters, but it is not a very inspiring winter. If it is going to get cold, I may as well have some snow, no wait, what the hell am I t…

Je ne sais quoi

There are times when dark clouds loom over one's head and the world seems like a big bad place to be in, one might even wish that it would be all over, the world would come to an end as he/she knows it. There are emotions one can feel that have no name. Moments of great joy and prospect of  something may  transform into feelings of bitter disappointment and hopelessness. Sometimes, when one is too deep into it,there are moments when one can feel trapped and liberated all at once followed by numbness and stillness. Things can sometimes seem to move so fast that it gets hard to breath, and at other times in slow motion when you just want the moment to pass by in stead of dragging on.  Talking about it never translates the gravity of the situation, but it will make one wiser when one hears the words tumbling out of his/her mouth with no restraint, or one can hope to be. Human capacity to feel and over-feel, think and over-think is immense, it is what gives shape to language and to l…

In a Soup

After a few weeks of non-stop indulgence and gluttony I thought it would be good to start cutting back on all the rich and potentially harmful diet I am so fond of. I had been sifting through a cookbook bought around Christmas after having a version of Lasagna at a friend's place for dinner. She later revealed it was from a book called the complete low-fat cookbook; she is diabetic and this particular lasagna omits the heavy bechamel sauce I don't like, and replaces it with some semolina cooked in milk to coat the top, giving it a structure and texture after the baking. It was after this meal that I took a look at her cookbook and decided it order it on Amazon. Don't be deterred by the Low-fat bit, I have never come across a low-fat cookbook that features such deliciousness. It has a number of Asian recipes, including Indian that appeals to most palates, they are mild and innovative, uses different kinds of proteins and vegetable, and has an entire section on desserts, ye…